Mind’s quirks

Phew! I had an eventful morning. Mentally.

I was just setting my foot out of the door for a me-time-morning walk at 6:40 AM, a steaming hot oat milk chai in one hand and phone in another. Hmm, the chai was perfect. The caffeine and ginger felt warm in my throat and I closed my eyes to savor it.

I plugged in the earplugs and excitedly pressed play on my audiobook. Prince Harry’s autobiography “Spare” was taking an interesting turn and I could not wait to spend the next 30 minutes listening to it and getting my mental health stocked up for the day.

Just as the Prince’s words poured into my ears, the baby camera app on my phone chimed. No! That’s the sound I did not want to hear so early in the morning. I opened the camera app and saw my 2-year-old prince daring to look straight at the camera and grinning. “I see you getting out for a walk Mom, hahaha. But I am already up”, I imagined him saying devilishly.

And that was enough to provoke my drama queen mind. It threw a 20-minute impromptu stage production full of emotions, reactions, and of course my dear friend, self-victimization. Claps claps. My mind started churning out line after line without my control. “Oh, here goes my morning in the bin”, “No self-care time for this mother”, and no self-victim dialogue delivery is ever complete without “Why does this only happen to me?”.

After the diaper and pajamas had been changed and the little provoker was hauled away by the grandparents in a stroller, I desperately needed a guided meditation to settle down.

“The power is within you”, a very calm female voice spoke in my ears as I sat cross-legged on the sofa and struggled to cut through layers and layers of feelings to find that power, that light within me. “The Universe never gives you more than you can handle. So trust your inner being.” The serene music felt like a breeze on my face, just like a morning walk. “I am at peace. I embrace the day. I remain calm.”, I repeated in my mind with the voice.

How mere 15 minutes of meditation can turn the day around is amazing.

As every inhale expanded that light within and every exhale expelled the stress and anxiety from my body, I began to realize how unnecessary my reaction was this morning. I was even ashamed.

As cliched as it sounds, the situation was owning me instead of me owning the situation. My mind and its reactions and sensations were controlling me. As fun and joyful as it is to have a toddler around, such uncontrollable “situations” are bound to arise.

But such circumstances are actually opportunities to practice coming back to the present again and again. To be aware of the rising reactions and emotions. To remind yourself of the impermanence of every single thing in the Universe, including the momentary frustration of events not in your control.

If your life is full of events (or people) that make you annoyed, irritated, or less in control, congratulations. You are lucky because you are in a boot camp for mindfulness. Use it as a chance to practice focusing on your breath and honing your mental strength.

Maybe start with just a single event that happens every day and still manages to get to you. Accept that flow of events, embrace it, and surrender to it.

And one day, your aware being will literally be able to see how the mind starts playing tricks and tantrums when things don’t go their way. This time, it will be the one who sees rather than the one who reacts. And just like a calm mother, you will be able to smile at the child that your mind is and gently bring it back. 🙂