I was just setting my foot out of the door for a me-time-morning walk at 6:40 AM, a steaming hot oat milk chai in one hand and phone in another. Hmm, the chai was perfect. The caffeine and ginger felt warm in my throat and I closed my eyes to savor it.
I plugged in the earplugs and excitedly pressed play on my audiobook. Prince Harry’s autobiography “Spare” was taking an interesting turn and I could not wait to spend the next 30 minutes listening to it and getting my mental health stocked up for the day.
Just as the Prince’s words poured into my ears, the baby camera app on my phone chimed. No! That’s the sound I did not want to hear so early in the morning. I opened the camera app and saw my 2-year-old prince daring to look straight at the camera and grinning. “I see you getting out for a walk Mom, hahaha. But I am already up”, I imagined him saying devilishly.
And that was enough to provoke my drama queen mind. It threw a 20-minute impromptu stage production full of emotions, reactions, and of course my dear friend, self-victimization. Claps claps. My mind started churning out line after line without my control. “Oh, here goes my morning in the bin”, “No self-care time for this mother”, and no self-victim dialogue delivery is ever complete without “Why does this only happen to me?”.
After the diaper and pajamas had been changed and the little provoker was hauled away by the grandparents in a stroller, I desperately needed a guided meditation to settle down.
“The power is within you”, a very calm female voice spoke in my ears as I sat cross-legged on the sofa and struggled to cut through layers and layers of feelings to find that power, that light within me. “The Universe never gives you more than you can handle.So trust your inner being.” The serene music felt like a breeze on my face, just like a morning walk. “I am at peace. I embrace the day. I remain calm.”, I repeated in my mind with the voice.
How mere 15 minutes of meditation can turn the day around is amazing.
As every inhale expanded that light within and every exhale expelled the stress and anxiety from my body, I began to realize how unnecessary my reaction was this morning. I was even ashamed.
As cliched as it sounds, the situation was owning me instead of me owning the situation. My mind and its reactions and sensations were controlling me. As fun and joyful as it is to have a toddler around, such uncontrollable “situations” are bound to arise.
But such circumstances are actually opportunities to practice coming back to the present again and again. To be aware of the rising reactions and emotions. To remind yourself of the impermanence of every single thing in the Universe, including the momentary frustration of events not in your control.
If your life is full of events (or people) that make you annoyed, irritated, or less in control, congratulations. You are lucky because you are in a boot camp for mindfulness. Use it as a chance to practice focusing on your breath and honing your mental strength.
Maybe start with just a single event that happens every day and still manages to get to you. Accept that flow of events, embrace it, and surrender to it.
And one day, your aware being will literally be able to see how the mind starts playing tricks and tantrums when things don’t go their way. This time, it will be the one who sees rather than the one who reacts. And just like a calm mother, you will be able to smile at the child that your mind is and gently bring it back. 🙂
Aashka sat in a pediatrician’s waiting room with her pounding head in her hands. She felt drained and stressed out after last night. She felt like that most nights after becoming a new mother, but she was rethinking if she could have done things differently the night before.
Her beautiful 2-month-old baby boy fussed and whined beside her in the car seat, wanting to be nursed. Again. Cheerful stuffed animals mounted on the wall grinned at her. A sheep, a pig, a horse, and a cow. She surely felt like a cow herself as she nursed her baby for the 5th time since morning. It was only 8 AM yet. Looked like baby Neel felt the tension in the air and wanted to be close to the only familiar heartbeat he knew.
Days and nights had been a blur since she became a new mom. Neither set of grandparents had been able to come and stay with them due to their work commitments. And so Aashka was hardly keeping her sanity amidst sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and non-stop feedings. Exhaustion had been her constant companion in the past 3 months.
Sigh! Way more constant than her real companion, her husband Rishi.
Aashka looked at the other parents waiting in the room with her baby. She felt a surge of sadness to see doting fathers talking to and playing with their babies. She looked at the empty seat beside him. Rishi wasn’t with her. She thought she had gotten used to that by now, but it tugged at her heartstrings every single time.
Her eyes became teary for what seemed like the 100th time as she thought about the major argument. As Aashka had finally put the most active baby to bed for the night and had come downstairs, Rishi had shown up for the first time that day since morning. That had been the case for the last few weeks. But today felt different. Today felt like this would end.
Rishi was sitting on the sofa, a beer bottle in one hand and a six-pack on the coffee table. He was wearing a formal shirt with the first 2 buttons unbuttoned and the tie stuffed in his shirt pocket — the sign of yet another unsuccessful job interview.
“How. Dare. You. How dare you bring alcohol into my home!” stormed Aashka, rage-filled. She found herself grabbing the bottle and smashing it on the floor. The shattering of the glass pulled her out of the wrath and back to her senses.
“Aashka, what are you doing? Have you lost it?!” said Rishi, shocked by his wife’s behavior. But when he himself had changed so much, how could he expect his wife to be the same peaceful person?
Aashka observed Rishi’s silent tears, yet her anger overwhelmed her, preventing her from acknowledging his emotional distress. She had only seen Rishi cry once before — when he had proposed to her in their last year of college, drenched in monsoon rains and love. Her heart wanted to hug Rishi tight and say everything was okay, but her brain already had too much of this nonsense.
“Rishi, where have you been all day? I took care of Neel all alone. As usual. I haven’t eaten anything since….I don’t even remember. I. Am. Exhausted. And you have hardly been there to help me in the last 2 months. I didn’t sign up to be a single mom, Rishi. I am tired of trying to talk to you about this. What the hell has gotten into you since our son was born?”
“Aashka, I …have been trying to explain the same thing to you again and again, but — ”
“Please spare it, Rishi. I have heard the same nonsense every single night. That getting laid off from your job on the day Neel was born has been hard for you. I get it. But you can’t just get out of the house all day long and come back at night with alcohol. I know you better than this, Rishi. This is not the father figure I want around my son.”
Aashka felt terrible saying this out loud to Rishi, who has always been a partner as solid as a rock to her since high school. But he had undergone a complete transformation since the birth of their newborn.
The couple’s life was hit by a storm the day Neel was born. Mix newborn parents’ struggles with a job layoff in a highly unstable market — a strong potion for stress and hence, fights.
“I have been trying to look for a job, Aashka. You know how poor the market is right now. Because of this pressure and the pressure of being the perfect dad — ”
“You know what, Rishi? You haven’t been the dad and partner that Neel and I need. Instead, you have just been causing so much anxiety in my life, and I do not need more of that right now. I need to be a strong mother for Neel. I…I have been thinking about us.”
Aashka took a deep breath, hoping her trembles would allow her to speak.
“What?!”, said Rishi, bracing himself for what was coming next.
“I think we both should take a break. Maybe you should spend a couple of days at your brother’s place. I need some space and I think it would be better for Neel.”
Tears rolled down Aashka’s cheeks as she said this. She brushed them off fiercely with the back of her hand. But things had just hit the ceiling. She had rehearsed this line so many times in the past few days, but couldn’t get to discussing it with her life partner, her best friend. When you suddenly stop respecting someone because of their actions, it’s hard to see them as you did before.
“Aash… please don’t do that”, Rishi said standing up and holding his wife by her shoulders. Listening to her pet name, Aashka’s heart melted like plastic on a candle.
Rishi had matching tears falling on his cheeks. If only their tears could speak, hers would speak a story of anger and disappointment, his of regret and self-hatred.
“You are my lifeboat. How do I get out of this hole without you?”, whispered Rishi.
“Rishi, I am struggling to nurture this little human. Our little human. And I am physically healing from a traumatic birth. You need to get your shit together. Please, I need a break.”
There was nothing else to say. Rishi turned around, momentarily paused at a photo of baby Neel by the coffee table, and then left the house.
Aashka was torn apart and conflicted. It had been 12 hours now to that moment as she sat with Neel for his monthly checkup, but she still struggled to collect herself.
“What have I done to my marriage?”, she thought, struggling to control her tears. “Maybe I overreacted?”
*********
“Baby Neel?”, a cooing voice brought her back. It was their turn to go in.
She looked up and saw Nurse Zahra giving her one of her wide sunshine smiles that always touched her eyes. Thank God for a familiar face, thought Aashka as she smiled back.
A plump Iranian woman in her late fifties, Nurse Zahra was one of the kindest, most genuine women Aashka had met. She was Neel’s nurse when he was born, and now met them during his monthly checkups. When she asked Aashka how things were going, it wasn’t just a rhetorical small-talk question. She listened as you mattered to her.
“Hello, baby Neel. How are you doing today? And you my beautiful mamma?” Neel immediately stopped fussing and gazed at Nurse Zahra affectionately. She had a unique way with babies.
“I am doing okay, Zahra. Thanks for brightening my day. Needed it.”
Zahra smiled. “Dad not here with Neel today? Everything okay?”
How does this sharp woman always sense something amiss in the first minute of their appointment? Aashka wished she could pour her heart out to her. She needed a friend to talk to. Someone who would understand the blazing conflict going on in her mind since yesterday and give her some advice.
“Are you okay, Aashka?”
Aashka nodded. She tried to explain without giving too much information about their break (up?). “Rishi couldn’t make it. We both are …still trying to find a routine in this crazy newborn parent life. But we will hopefully figure it out soon.”
Zahra looked at Aashka with empathy. She had dealt with way too many new parents in her career, so she knew what usually happened in the life movie of ‘And Then There Were Three’. Initially the new mom and dad enjoy the honeymoon phase with the baby, a new family replete with love. Everything is ‘Aww’ and ‘so cute’. But then the tiny human slowly makes his way between the mom and dad. Love gets replaced by exhaustion. ‘Aww’s get replaced by arguments. She had a hunch about why Rishi wasn’t with Aashka today.
But the doctor knocked on the door before the nurse could respond. The usual checkup and vaccines followed, which made Neel scream the place down. As Aashka hastily tried to calm him down and make the payment, Nurse Zahra came by to check on them. “He will be fine. Hopefully, the vaccines make him sleep a bit more”, she chuckled.
She had a pamphlet in her hand. “Read it after he calms down.” Aashka looked at her puzzled, but Neel’s fresh batch of screams made her stuff the pamphlet in her bag and bolt out of the clinic.
*****
The frazzled mom drove home in a haze, baby cries serving as her car stereo. The house was an absolute mess. Her tea from this morning sat cold on the kitchen counter. A big pile of unfolded clothes sat on the bedroom floor. Teethers and rattles were strewn all across the house. Burp clothes, a baby lounger, and a nursing pillow completely hid the sofa. The house was a definition of “Tell me you have a newborn without telling me you have a newborn — with no help”.
Neel was finally starting to get tired from all the crying. As soon as Aashka nursed him, he dozed off in her lap as if nothing had happened. Just like his dad, determined and tireless.
Rishi. She felt a pang of sadness. She missed him so much. His smile, his way of making every situation less serious, his way of pulling them both up from a challenge, his constant optimism towards life. Then what had happened to him since Neel was born? How did he suddenly change too much to be recognized?
She remembered the pamphlet that Nurse Zahra had given her. The magical woman’s eyes said that she somehow might have an answer to Aashka’s inner conflicts. With Neel sleeping in her lap, she dared not get up. With movements of a sloth, she reached into her purse and took out the folded piece of paper.
Her heart skipped a beat. The page was titled ‘New Dad Depression and How You Can Help’. It read, ‘Dads want to be part of the newborn experience, but often they feel as if they’re on the “outside”. Moms may not always realize they’re excluding dads from caring for the baby. Or they may be so caught up in bonding with the baby, they fail to recognize dad wants time with the little one, too.’
Her eyes followed line after line, and as she read the list of symptoms, a single tear fell on Neel’s pink cheeks. Aashka sobbed silently as bitter realization hit her.
This was it. Her poor partner was choking under the pressure of becoming a new dad. Talk about bad timing, because as Rishi was preparing himself to be the perfect father, he received sudden news of his company laying off 10k employees. And he was one of them. On the very day that his little family was formed. Wish babies could come into the world after checking market stability.
Despite this challenge, Rishi had tried so hard to be a good parent, but Aashka could not see it. She had failed them as a partner and failed to be his support. She had never asked Rishi how he felt, because she was so occupied trying to pass every day with Neel and was going through multiple stitches stubborn to heal.
But we are all humans, and we need support. We need love and care.
She reached over to her phone to check if Rishi had texted. Without a doubt, he had. ‘How are you, Aash? Sorry, I didn’t come to the doctor’s today because I didn’t want to overwhelm you. I know sorry isn’t enough, but I am extremely apologetic for my behavior so far. You are right, I need to pull myself together. It’s just …so hard doing that alone. We need to talk when you are ready. Please. Is Neel doing okay? I miss you both.’
Aashka felt tired and emotionally drained, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She wiped away her tears and took a deep breath. The conflict in her mind had vanished. She just needed to take care of her little family as if they were both her babies. A strong mother spoke from inside of her. She managed to move Neel to the car seat and strapped him. Thank God for the shots acting as his sleeping potion.
*********
In 30 minutes, they were at Rishi’s younger brother Rajat’s house. Rishi rushed out of the house. “Aashka, is Neel okay? Are you okay?”, he shouted frantically.
“Hey hey, everything is fine.”
“Why are you…here then?”
“Rishi, I just realized what you must have been going through all this while. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Let’s go inside, Aash.”
While Uncle Rajat watched Neel, the new mom and dad talked it all out, sobbing, hugging, and even smiling. Aah Rishi still has that giddy effect over me, Aashka smiled.
“I messed up Aash. Things just kept piling up and before long, I told myself a story where I was a bad papa to Neel. Fatherhood has been the most responsible role I have played. But, I couldn’t even provide for my family financially.” Rishi expressed while Aashka held his hand firmly.
When did they last sit and talk about how they feel? They had ignored the most important pillar of relationship — communication, and look where that had led them.
Aashka said, “Rishi, while I grew Neel from a cell to a baby inside of me, then birthed him and continue to nurse him, I got my sweet time to become a mother mentally and physically. I am just realizing how shocking it is for all fathers to suddenly transform from a carefree, normal person …to a DAD in a minute.”
“Yes, it was intense. I put so much pressure on myself to be a good father and do everything perfectly. But I struggled to bathe him, put him to sleep, or console him when he cried. The stack of rejections from job interviews plummeted my self-confidence even more. I felt lonely and anxious and overwhelmed.” He whispered, “Maybe even… depressed.”
Aashka hugged him tightly. She couldn’t bear to hear this from her pillar of strength. But maybe this time, the roles had to swap. She had to be the one who pulled them up from this life challenge.
“Rishi, I am so sorry for not seeing what this new role was doing to you. I became so self-centered after becoming a mother. But now I have realized how vital our OG relationship should be. Our little guy is already teaching us life lessons. You are never alone, partner.”
***** 3 months later *****
Rishi and Aashka are sitting at a McDonald’s enjoying a vanilla cone, just like they did on their first date 5 years ago. It has become their little weekly ritual while Neel plays at home with his uncle. Every vanilla cone date, and the honest conversations that follow, is bringing them back and closer to each other. Today, they are celebrating two major achievements — Rishi accepting a new job offer, and Aashka starting an Etsy business selling her crafts!
Things are slowly getting back into place for the little family. Neel is a papa’s boy, and Aashka can already see how Rishi will be a superhero for Neel as he grows up. Rishi is a natural dad, and when he is with Neel, he is fully present. It warms her heart to see them together. She smiles as she wonders what their cute monster will decide to teach them next as he grows up. She hopes that even if they stumble along the way, they regain their footing just like this time.
“The greatest lessons of parenthood come from our children, as they inspire us to open our hearts and minds to endless possibilities.”
As the Swiss Air flight takes off from JFK airport and into the misty clouds, Nina closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe I am doing a solo Switzerland trip”, she thinks shaking her head. For this 23-year-old city girl who had been surrounded by people, noises, and things all her life, this trip to the heavenly country was going to be nothing short of life-changing.
But little did she know this, for her ever-chattering mind was busy complaining about her mother. “There goes all my savings from the first year of work. Mom should just write my bucket list herself. She anyway decides what I should and shouldn’t do with my life. Wasteful, lazy, ungrateful, immature — the only words I have heard from her. Has she ever been proud of her daughter?”
Nina did not realize that by now she was muttering her thoughts loudly. Her co-passenger, probably a makeup influencer on social media, threw her an annoyed look and went back to editing her video.
Nina’s mother, Mrs. Sneha Sharma, was a self-made CEO of her jewelry brand and the epitome of success. She had hustled and worked very hard to make her small business into an internationally acclaimed one. Celebrities raved about her intricate pieces on social media. She was also an adventurous soul, unlike Nina, and had done a lot of solo trips.
When she was Nina’s age, she had been on a month-long solo trip to Switzerland that had been ‘life-changing’.
“It’s a country that opens your eyes to what matters, Nina”, she always said to Nina, almost convincing her. “I have the happiest memories from that trip, made pen pals and life-long friends. We tried so many mountain excursions, hikes, and adventures in Switzerland. The exposure has made me who I am now. I remember sitting on the lush green pastures one morning with a view of the mighty Jungfrau, and I realized that I was a nobody in this vast beautiful world. If I ever wanted to be someone, I had to work very very hard for it. I remember that feeling to date whenever I feel like slacking. You should take such trips to be…better, I guess”
And so Nina is headed to this so-called wonderful country all alone to be ‘better’ for her mom. Nature and adventure were so not her type and if it was up to her, she would have spent all of her saved-up money buying clothes and shoes. But she is doing this trip grumpily just so that her mom would be proud of her daughter for once.
Since Nina became a teenager and started to become as independent and strong as her mother, she had a restrained relationship with her. Most of their dinners would be spent arguing about how Nina should take up one more project in her college or target the next promotion at her work. Her mom always said that she could see herself in Nina and hence expected too much from her. A typical scene from last night flashed in front of Nina’s eyes, making her sad.
“You can do a lot more in life than what you are doing right now, Nina. That’s why I constantly push you.”
“Mom, can you just let me be and encourage me like a normal mom?”
Nina could see hurt in her mother’s eyes. Maybe she was too harsh with her mother. But she felt like she had no control, for her mind always reacted instantly. She would speak something insulting to her mother before she could stop herself.
“Everyone needs this break from me”, she sighed, feeling so bad about herself that she wanted to build a cocoon around her and hide inside it forever. “How do I change myself?!” Before she could get an answer to that rhetorical question, she dozed off, mentally tired of belittling herself.
After 8 hours of smoky eyes makeup tutorial staring at her from her neighbor’s laptop, she landed in the Swiss city of Zurich. Her next and final destination was the town of Grindelwald, right in the middle of the Swiss Alps.
How she reached the airport railway station and boarded a train, she doesn’t have a lot of memory. For the witch named Jetlag had caught her in her claws by now. She only remembered exhaustion and compulsive sleep.
Nina woke up the next morning feeling well-rested and nervous because she was planning to visit Mount First, a peak in the Swiss Alps popular for adventure activities. Her strategy on the trip was to target all the places her mother had raved about because this trip might be the best chance to reconnect with her mother.
As she got out of her room and saw the postcard-perfect town of Grindelwald, she was mind-blown. The snow-capped mountains and the green tapestry of meadows instantly made her mind stop talking for once. She just stopped and gazed around at the beauty of nature. Every step she took toward the Grindelwald First gondola station revealed a new picturesque vista. She realized that she was smiling widely and had forgotten her small world with small problems.
She texted her mother, “Mom I reached Grindelwald. The nature here isn’t something to see, it’s an immersive experience!! Any recs?”
Her mom replied, “Try the trottibike at Grindelwald First! We were on those almost every day that I was there. I don’t know if you might be able to finish it though, seeing as to how you have never even been to a gym in your life. Just stop midway and ask for help if you need it.”
Wow, Nina thought angrily, can I ever have a normal conversation with my mom without constantly feeling judged?! She has the power to make me feel frustrated even in the most serene places in the world.
Exasperated and muttering again, Nina boarded the gondola that was going to take her up at 7000′ height. As the gondola went up, the scenery around her gradually changed from lush green vistas to snow and waterfalls. The adventurous energy of this place was palpable and nobody seemed to be untouched by it. Thrill lovers screamed as they zoomed through the air in hang gliders and zip liners. The sky was filled with paragliders floating like birds. I hope the trottibike thing isn’t as tough as these activities, Nina thought, slightly trembling.
She stopped at the gondola station of Bort which was the starting point for the trottibike. She still had no idea what her mother was signing her up for. It sounded like a bike with a twist. Meh, I can even bike in New York. What could be so special about a bike in the Alps that even my hard-to-please mom could be impressed?!
When she reached the trottibike station, she saw that it was a combination of a bicycle and a skateboard with a footboard to stand on instead of pedals. “Hmm interesting”, Nina thought. Armed with a blue trottibike, a blue helmet, and hasty instructions — follow the yellow markings, she was left to figure out how to come down from a 7000 feet mountain back to the Grindelwald village! That is how we come into life, right? — with a body to maneuver and nary an instruction.
Nina balanced herself on the footboard, wide enough for only one foot. And as she released the brakes, the trottibike zoomed forward without warning. The narrow pathway with yellow markings descended with a sharp incline, sloping steeply downward. “Woah woah”, she screamed as she pressed both the brakes firmly. The heavy bike made a screeching sound and lurched forward on the front wheel. Nina was scared and her heart was beating wildly. An Asian couple taking pictures of the scenery looked with concern. She could muster up a slight smile and a nod.
She reminded herself to take deep breaths and try again. Let me keep the brakes pressed this time as I mount the bike. She was able to control the speed a bit as she tried a couple of times; but as soon as she saw a steep part coming up, she quickly got off the bike in fear and almost fell twice. She dragged the bike and started walking, but it was difficult on the ankles to walk downhill on such hilly roads. Especially when she never exercised for fitness.
In no time, Nina was drenched in sweat and fear. She slumped down on the side of the small path to catch her breath and collect her scattered emotions. She was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but lush meadows and a few small houses. A couple of cows were quarreling with their horns. Huh, maybe they are a mother-and-daughter pair. Her ‘Classic Judge’ of a mind started talking to her again, “Maybe Mom was right. I am good for nothing. How will I ever make it out of here?” Tiny tears dripped from her eyes.
……
“Hesch du Hilf nötig liebe?”
Nina got startled and spun around to see a woman in her mid-forties. She had a kind face and a neat look. “I am sorry…I speak English.”
“Do you need help dear?”, the woman smiled, looking at the surrendered bike. “I live in the house over there and saw you struggling with your trottibike… and maybe your mind.”
Nina was speechless. How could this lady perceive these details so correctly from afar? “I … I don’t know how to ride this thing and I…”, Nina broke down sobbing as if this motherly woman came to open her floodgates.
“Hey hey, it’s okay. Do you want to stop by my home? I can get you some Kafi and we can talk, yeah?”
“Yes please, that will be nice”, said Nina, wiping her tears. She didn’t understand how but she was feeling this lady’s peaceful and compassionate aura. It instantly made her feel better. Nina and the woman walked over to her serene Swiss chalet just across the bike path. Nina stopped for a moment, taking in the beauty of the warm wooden house that stood gracefully amidst the lush green meadows with the backdrop of snowy mountains. Colorful flower boxes adorned her balconies — the sign of an inviting Swiss home!
“By the way, my name is Anna”, said the lady. “This place has been my home for about 25 years now”.
“My name is Nina. I am from New York and I am on a solo travel to this beautiful country. Your home is just so charming, Anna.”
“Very nice to meet you, Nina. Welcome to my humble abode.”
She sat on the porch chair while Anna brought cups of steaming coffee and fresh cheese with crackers. Mmm, that looked delicious.
“So, how did you end up defeated on the side of the road?”
Nina described how she was struggling with the trottibike and reluctantly shared about her relationship with her mother because that was the reason for her emotions being all over the place. “Anna, I feel like I am never enough for her and… hence for the world”, she complained crying. She felt as if she knew this woman for ages.
“Hmm, I get that. Your mom could be handling things better, but let‘s take a pause and look around you. You were able to travel to Switzerland so young in your life! Have you tried to come out of the obsessive prison of yourself and be grateful?”
As if on cue, Nina looked around taking in the scenery in as much detail as her mind could take while staying in the present. It was a stunning scene.
“Now about how your mother makes you feel, my question to you Nina is — how do YOU feel about yourself? Are you maybe seeking validation from your mom all the time and hence creating this image in your mind about yourself?” Anna was gentle but firm, qualities of someone who speaks little but of so much value that it changes your perception of life.
Nina started speaking defensively as she always did in every conversation, but she stopped mid-sentence and thought. Maybe Anna is right. Why do I depend on my mother to tell me how I am from the inside? She nodded, pondering over the life lesson she just got from a stranger.
Anna continued, “Nina, you know my daughter is so much like you. She is off to London for her studies. I am an empty nester and miss her company so very much. Would you like to stay here in this Chalet for a few days and experience the local way of living in Grindelwald?”
“Yes yes!”, Nina heard herself speaking as if her inner voice knew how eye-opening of an experience she was going to have. She had never done things impromptu in her life and living with a stranger seemed wacky but…just right.
And then began her 5 amazing days of living among nature and with an inspiration of a woman. Nina would begin her day bright and early and meditate with Anna, something she always wanted to do but never had the time or the priority. Meditation seemed to slow down her thoughts and bring them into her control.
Hearing the cowbells’ melodies was no less than a meditation as well. She had never seen cows as happy as they were here, grazing all day long on mountain pastures.
“Nina I suggest that you talk to your mom openly about your feelings. I am sure she has your best intention at heart. Communication can solve all misunderstandings.” Anna explained while she showed Nina how Gruyère cheese was made and aged.
“You are right, I need to focus on my breath while I talk to her and control my reactions”, said Nina, popping a piece of Gruyère in her mouth and doing a ‘cheese dance’.
“Anna, I wish I could fill my bag with cheeses and creamy coconut joghurt …mmmm yummy!”
Both ladies packed lunches every day and went on long hikes, which were challenging for Nina but truly rewarding. They provided a direct connection with nature and she saw it for the first time as a friend, a tranquil friend giving back tons if treated right. The Alpine wildflowers, fuzzy Edelweiss, and tulips looked capable of redefining the color palette with colors like ‘Swiss Violet’ and ‘Swiss Red’. The lush green meadows with tiny Chalets sprinkled on top was a view she wanted to pack and take back with her.
Whenever Nina felt like giving up on something she was doing, she stared at the impressive peaks of Jungfrau, Monch, and Eiger dominating the sky. She was constantly amazed by nature’s power, realizing that she was a speck of humbleness on this vast planet. By the end of each day, she was physically exhausted but so fresh and happy mentally. Her mind voice had slowed down too. Maybe the poor thing needed a change too, Nina thought.
The last evening, Anna took Nina out on a nice cheese and chocolate fondue dinner.
“You know Anna, maybe my mother is right about some of the things. The endlessly giving nature here has taught me how ungrateful I have been about what life has given me. New York has made me so I suppose. I also am lazy, not taking care of myself — mentally and physically. When I meditated with you every day, I realized how much my poor mind needed this. When I hiked and moved my body, I just felt a gush of self-confidence that needs nobody’s validation. I am going to go back home and work hard. On myself and my relationships. Especially one with my mother.” Nina was surprised to find tears in her eyes when she finished.
They hugged tight the next morning and Nina took leave on the trottibike, the same one that had led her to Anna’s chalet. This time, she felt a lot more confident on the bike and was able to encourage herself with a “You can do it” voice.
As she sat on her flight back to NYC, she wrote a letter to Anna:
“When I gave up my trottibike ride that day, who knew I was going to meet you! Anna, you are my inspiration, my mentor, my fairy godmother. I am leaving Switzerland rejuvenated, grateful, and with vigor to work hard. Thank you for everything.”
…….
Another letter with a Swiss stamp arrived for Nina’s mom, Mrs. Sneha, that night. She read it with a knowing smile:
“Dear Sneha,
Your daughter is as sweet as you are, my pen pal! It was a pleasure spending time with her. I have kept my identity a secret as you asked me to. But go easy on her, please. Let her make mistakes and find her own way. She looks up to you.
Come visit Grindelwald soon, our trottibikes await us 🙂
T minus 4, 3, 2 weeks to become a mom, As the days go by, I feel like a ticking time bomb. Big belly, slow gait, and large my appetite became, As I played the most rewarding waiting game.
Revised the notes of the Childbirth class we took, And nervously flipped every Labor & Delivery book. Effacement, Dilation and Baby’s Position I feel by now I have graduated to be an Obstetrician.
How to change, how to nurse and many other, But found no Youtube videos on how to be a mother. Crib – check, Stroller – check and check for the car seat, Shouldn’t God send babies home with an instruction sheet?!
Will he be a September born or a TENyu baby, Will he be born tonight, tomorrow or next week maybe. This unpredictability is making me so curious, Will he over extend his invitation in Hotel Uterus?
Questions and doubts creep up my brain, Is my body capable of handling this pain? Will I just know when those contractions start, Or will I bolt up only in the active labor part.
Suddenly I feel a loving kick in my rib, Oh looks like the hero is awake in the belly crib. “Ow”, I exclaimed, “calm down my rock star”, How those kicks still fascinate me is so bizarre.
I hear a sweet voice from my heart, Hi Ma, he said, let all your fears depart. Have trust in the miracle that is birth, Allow this beautiful process to show you its worth.
Let this birth be strong and empowering, Remember mum, you and I are a team 🙂 After all, pain is always mind over matter, So pull yourself away from this anxious chatter.
Your bundle of joy is awaiting your love, Have faith and bow down to the heavens above. So I breath and smile and feel the mirth, And get ready to dance this amazing dance of birth!
I was recently scrolling through Youtube and thought I had exhausted ALL unwatched videos in the quarantine world, but then I saw this funniest video by Julie Nolke and instantly knew that this was a topic that would break my writers block/fast!
So here I am, wondering if ‘Quarantined Me’ would really have given so many hints to the oblivious ‘Free Me’ 5 months back, if given a chance.
Actually, Ignorance is Bliss. Hope ya’ll are safe and sound!
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Quarantined Me: Hey, you lucky LUCKY lady! How are you?
Free Me: Woah, you look exactly like me! Who are you?
Quarantined Me: I am you, from 5 months in future. I don’s have much time and I am sure this is not legal. But I want to give you some hints on what’s going to happen in the next 5 months.
Free Me: Okaaay…this is a first!?
Well, I just celebrated the New Year’s Eve and I am so excited for all the plans I have made for 2020. I know this year is going to be life changing.
By the way, why do you look chubby? Have you been boredom eating? Bro, what about our determined resolution to not binge on chips and chocolates?
Quarantined Me [clearly nervous]: Okay umm, where do I start? I am going to try to give you a few hints about your upcoming rollercoaster ride, but I cannot tell you much, okay?
So, good news or bad news?
Free Me [excitedly]: Good news, of course! Am I finally going to make that Colorado road trip happen? Do I finally have abs? Do I have a busy productive year?
Quarantined Me: Hahaha, okay. Well, good news. Oh yes, you are going to live your introvert DREAM! You will actually be appreciated for staying away from people.
Free Me [wide-eyed]: Really?! So, no socializing? Are you kidding me?
Quarantined Me: Totally virus, oops I mean serious. And your work will finally allow working from home. Umm, every day.
Free Me: Dude! Cannot believe that. So, no socializing + no water-cooler small talks?!
Quarantined Me: Yup. And world pollution will reduce so much that you can see the Himalayas from Jalandhar! And solar system from the earth.
Okay ignore the last bit.
Nature will heal. Peacocks and antelopes will walk on the city roads like a boss. Rajkot’s Yagnik road and Ahmedabad’s CG road will have all the space to drive and park.
Free Me [unbelievably]: All of that in 5 months? Sounds like 2020 will be the magical year we all needed. But how would this happen?!
Quarantined Me: Shh, we are still on good news. Oh, and the most fun part. You won’t believe this. Papa will enter the kitchen back in Rajkot and learn how to make shaak and rotli!
Free Me: Whatt?! None of us could make that happen. Something fishy is going on for sure.
Anyway, you know I have started this amazing 2020 planner and I can’t wait to plan a lot of trips and hikes! Mummy Papa Pranju and Dadi are coming to the US in May and I am going to start a countdown! We are going to Niagara and NYC and take road trips in Texas… and we might go to Colorado with the Ahmedabad parents and I am thinking where else….umm..
Quarantined Me [laughs so much that has tears in eyes]: Okay, good time to break the bad news. Umm, no easy way to do this. There will be no travelling happening. Well, if you consider grocery runs as trips, then yeah.
And for the planner, you can use it for doodling and planning how to use your time indoors. You like to cook, right?
Free Me [now sounding panicked]: Wait up, what do you mean by no travelling? We have already booked a lot of tickets dude! I also want to take them around the city and show them grocery stores and how they are always stocked up with fruits and veggies and cans and toilet paper…
Quarantined Me: No! No toilet paper! Umm, you should check out bidets on Amazon. You will reaaally thank me later. And speaking of grocery, you should run to a store and stock up on EVERYTHING, maybe some baking ingredients too.
Free Me: But WHY?! No travelling and stocking up on food?
Quarantined Me: And umm, you should start working out. Get a little strong. Get your lungs strong. Have you been taking your Vitamin C?
Free Me: That does not make ANY sense. Get my lungs strong?!
Quarantined Me: Uh huh. And a good time to read a few self-help books, ya know, like dealing with stress, acceptance, avoid stress eating, practicing meditation.
Free Me: Acceptance? What do I need to accept? No more of that. Kinchit is giving me those philosophical lectures all the time! I am going to have to talk to him about how I have had enough.
Quarantined Me: No! Nope, you don’t want to fight with him. You want it or not, he is going to be your co-worker, co-gymmer, sous chef and your buddy. Well, your only buddy.
Free Me (wide-eyed): Dude, what IS going to happen to me in the next 4 months? You are scaring me!
Quarantined Me: Hey, now, deep breaths. You are going to need that a lot.
You are going to be fine. I mean, a lot of others unfortunately won’t be, but you are going to deal with this okay. On a positive side, we are going to realize importance of a lot of things that we took for granted, and we all needed that I guess.
Free Me (teary and upset): So, no socializing, no travelling, no pollution, working from home…I guess I was happy without any hints from you. Go awaaay!
Quarantined Me: Just trying to give you a heads up. Stop reading the news. See you on the other side!
Exactly 9 days earlier, I woke up in the morning and went to the gym, blurry-eyed and sleepy. I prepped myself for the aerobics, expecting the usual gym music to start. But that day was different. Dholida, Chhogada and Sanedo started blaring out of the speakers. I looked around trying to figure out what was going on.
‘We will be doing our cardio on garbas for the next 9 days’, told our group class trainer, already tapping his feet. The Gujju in me smiled, ‘Of course’, I thought. ‘How can I forget? It is that time of the year!’ 😀
I came home and habitually said, ‘Good morning Alexa’. She replied with 10 times her usual energy (which is a LOT), ‘Good morning!! Today is the first day of the 9 magical days! Sing, dance and say – Bhaaii Bhaaii!’
’Hahaha Alexa, you too?!’, I laughed.
‘Sorry. I don’t know that one.’
Everyone in the house was operating at a different excitement frequency that day. There were garba songs playing on our radio, and on the neighbors’ radios. I smiled widely, totally loving how the day had started! I wanted the next 9 days to crawl, not wanting them to pass away. As cliché as it might sound, it was the time of the BEST festival of Gujju land, NAVRATRI!!
Throwback to the best Navratri days 🙂
Navratri, which translates to ‘9 Nights’, is the festivity of victory over evil; something I believe deserves a celebration today more than ever. This victory is celebrated differently in diverse parts of India. Gujarat, though, is famously known to enjoy Navratri by dancing on garbas (the Gujaratri dance form) around Maa Durga on all 9 nights.
We LOVE (all CAPS still makes it an understatement) our garbas and we live up to the stereotype shamelessly :D. A gujju is known to be well-versed with dancing on garbas even before he/she is born :D. We do not need a festival to dance on garbas. We can dance to the favorite garba beats in wedding baarats and sangeet, after cricket victories, in any happy family occasion, and *proudly saying* even in college fresher’s and farewell discotheque parties (something to make up for Gujarat being a dry state, I guess :P)!
A month before Navratri, you can see the welcome already. Garba classes make up for the best cardio and they earn bucketfuls. The aunty who apparently cannot go to the gym because of impending arthritis can totally jump and dance and sweat for an hour in Garba classes and go again the next day 😀 ! We get an unknown source of energy as soon as we hear the Garba beats. One would have difficulty remembering Math formulas but can rock 4 steps, 6 steps, 8 steps, 16 steps, 32 steps, 64 steps…. of garba!
1st rule of the cool Navratri club – you CANNOT repeat your chaniya cholis, the colorful and blingy lehengas, in the same season. So you need to own/rent greater than or equal to 9 chaniya cholis of the latest trends. You can see ‘Chaniya Cholis on rent’ signs in every other lane with every color lehengas on display! People go all out to buy expensive designer cholis and jewelry.
Gujju spotted!
As the festival gets closer, wooden dance stages with idols of Durga Maa in the centre gets built in every street crossing. There are lights and divas everywhere! All open grounds of the city get transformed into Navratri night events. You can buy daily or season passes to enter those and dance the night off. There are amazing singers singing live garbas with extended bands and the loudest speakers.
Early plans are made with friends to buy passes and go dancing on all 9 nights. Surprisingly, Gujarati parents lift the home-at-10PM rule during Navratris! So this is the most awesome time to stay out late with friends, dance till you drop, have ice creams and then come home on your time. For some ‘opportunistic’ young people, Navratri is the best time to ‘mingle’ and make ‘friends’! You get to dance with a lot of people and nothing is considered suspicious :P. It is said that if you are single even on the 9th day of Navratri, you have sincerely danced on garba. 😀
Pure candid. Promise.
All these latest trends are fun, but school days waali Navratri occupies a special place in my heart! Those 9 days every year were full of innocent excitement and true friendships. Our highly disciplined Convent school, which used to call even a speck on the shoe a disciplinary rule break, used to allow us dry hair and mehendi for these 9 days!! That shouted another level of freedom for us; I cannot even begin to explainJ. Everyone would be seen tired and sleepy in the class because of late nights, but who cared?
My housing society, like most others then, used to arrange its own little Garba night in the society grounds. A month before Navratri, all kids of the society used to be divided into A, B, C, D groups by age. Every evening used to be dedicated to practicing garbas or Gujarati folk songs that we were going to perform during the 9 Navratri nights. We used to rush home after school, gulp down lunch, somehow finish homework and then run to the society ground at 6PM for the practice.
Let’s not talk about our cool style back then 😛 Can my sister get any cuter though?
Those practices and the stage meant the world to us! I used to absolutely love dancing to the garbas that we had been singing/listening to every Navratri since we were small. The familiarity of the garba beats and the simplicity of the steps make one addicted to this folk dance.
When Navratri finally used to dawn on us, there used to be this never-diminishing excitement in the air! Every evening, moms would keep a new pair of chaniya choli ready to be worn that night. All the kids used to have early dinners and then get started on the best part – getting all decked up for the night! I remember my mom going mad while getting me and my sister ready. Dupattas, colorful cholis, hardly-matching lipstick, dark pink blush, long braid, mandatory chaniya choli photographs, a quick revision of that night’s garba steps – and we were ready to rock and roll!
Performing on that makeshift wooden stage in front of aunties and uncles of the society was SUCH a big deal for us! 😀 I remember getting performance anxieties when it was our group’s turn to go on the stage. But then we used to look at each other, give an encouraging smile and get on the stage to perform on ‘Tara Vina Shyam’ and other amazing garbas. At the end of the night, the proud performers used to receive lunch boxes and pencils and ice creams and chocolates and we used to happily go home, sleep and get ready for the next night…. sigh! What days were those!
On the last night, we used to have a talent show for which all kids used to practice for months together. After all, every mom wanted their child to be an example of ‘Sharma ji ka beta kya sahi dance karta hai’!
Shakti. Strength.
Navratri is not a festival. It is an emotion.
So many Navratri traditions might have changed over years, but some things like the evening Jai Aadhya Shakti aarti and garbas sung every year by mom and dadi, and our prayers to Maa Durga for blessing us with strength to fight against evil remain the same. As this year’s Navratri nears to an end, let us join hands and pray for shakti! Happy Navratri you all and enjoy the garba. 🙂
Imagine a huge crowd of people. You are a part of the crowd. You are common, invisible, normal.
And then something happens. You are no more a part of the crowd. You are uncommon, visible, alive! And then in a flash, you are again a part of the mob, the running life! 😊
Isn’t this idea the most fascinating ever?! FLASH MOBS! Every time I admired this movie Step Up Revolution, I thought I would never be able to do this. It requires so much guts! But until now…
Who knew?!
This group of ours in office always thought of trying to do a Flash Mob, because when the office is so cool, why not? So, we sat down and made a list of the upcoming celebrations. Independence Day?! Hmm, when we all gather to sing the national anthem as per tradition, why not we suddenly start a flash mob dance? The idea sounded cool, but it would require a lot of secret P&O! We needed people who would be interested to dance and take this risk. This could go either way.
We, the original-idea-thinkers secretly started asking people. ‘Umm, do you dance?’. We mostly got the answer, ‘Like… in a club?’. Rolling my eyes, I would move on to another suspect. After days of weird questioning, we listed down about 20 odd people who could potentially be a part of this flash mob.
Now was the time to have our first secret meeting! A meeting invite was sent to these people in the list, people who had no idea what they were going to be subjected to.
They came with curiosity, with absolutely no clue that they were going to be a part of an office dance and surprise/shock everyone. Despite a few ‘Lol, what?!’ and ‘Dancing in office, like when we are sober?!’ and ‘Where would we practice?’ reactions, we could see that people liked this idea and that if planned this well and in secret, it will be a hit! Yayy!
A Whatsapp group called ‘Shhhh..’ was made with all the mission members and the preparation kickstarted. We decided to dance on the very peppy Rang De Basanti to start with, followed by the energetic Jai Ho, after which came the perky Bolywood number India waale and the unmissable patriotic song Maa Tujhe Salam to end the performance.
The week of celebration began! The event was planned for Thursday and we had just 3 days to assemble everyone and prepare the dances, formations, props, etc. That Monday lost its blues for once because we were going to meet and start practicing!
But wait, how were 20 people going to prepare the dance on loud, Bollywood songs while in office, and howww were we going to keep it a secret? The original-idea-thinkers thought a lot. Meeting room? Naah, too loud, everyone will know. Balcony? We will be caught by coffee-break-takers. Argghh, there should be sommee secret place in the building for sure? And click, there came the best idea. The terrace of this tower!
We took permission from the building authorities for practicing by the hour and sent out subject-less meeting invites blocking Shhh’s lunch time. All of us quickly gobbled down the lunch and signaled each other to meet on the terrace. I could see everyone make weird excuses to their lunch group to leave so early, like ‘Umm, I have a lot of work and will have to skip the lunch break.’, ‘Hey, I am not feeling so well.’ 😛
The secret terrace practices began!
After all the lying, we all secretly met at the terrace. And wowww! It was the most beautiful place to be! Imagine the top of a tower in the middle of the city, with the black, cloudy sky towering ominously; and the cool breeze warning us all that I will rain any moment! I couldn’t stop clicking pictures of the view, so beautiful, so natural!
We started learning the steps for Jai Ho. The guys in the dance kept us all very entertained with their funny steps and jokes. We all practiced the steps and performed the song over and over. Yayy! Such a great start it was. In no time, we had to rush back to work, all of us sweating and tired by the dance. Our project members looked weirdly at us, ‘Have you been running?’ ‘Sort of.’
How beautiful could it get?!
These secret terrace sessions continued for the next 2 days. We all went home and kept practicing. After all, learning 4 dances in just three days and with all the steps and formations was not easy. Flash mob is all about the synchronization, and we had to get that perfectly! By Wednesday evening, we were able to dance on the entire song and were ready for the performance!
The group buzzed continuously that evening, ‘How are we going to start?’, ‘What if there are people standing on way?’, ‘How will everyone react?’, ‘Will we be laughed at?’, ‘Who will take the video?’ – the questions were limitless, the excitement was at its peak!
And lo, it was Thursday! The day of the Flash Mob! The day when we were finally going to dance suddenly and surprise everybody. The plan was that everyone was going to assemble at 12PM in the common area to sing national anthem. As soon as that ended, the ting ding ding of Rang De Basanti was to start loudly and gradually we were all going to start dancing from among the crowd, come in the center as per the decided formation and start the performance.
The last pracice. Go Shhh!!
We met in the morning to go through the steps. This was the last terrace practice session and that made us sad. We had so much fun here in the past few days! Even the neighboring building guys knew the steps by heart and cheered for us. 😛
It was 12PM. All of us gathered. Wow, suddenly felt like a LOT of people in the office! We eyed each other all the best as we sang Jana Gana Mana. By the time we reached Jai hai.. Jai hai, we were hardly paying attention to the singing. Our dance was to start in 5 seconds. Oh My God, soooo much nervousness! We had not felt so nervous even before important client calls.
And there goes the Ting Ding Ding…. 5 people enter the area dancing. Everyone is shell shocked. 10 more people join them. Everyone is still trying to figure it out. What is happening? Why are people dancing suddenly? The last 5 join them and we start with our energetic steps. Everyone finally understood that it was a Flash Mob!
As we danced with all our heart on ‘Mohe mohe tu rang de basanti’ and ‘Jai Ho’, everyone cheered loudly for us and started filming the dance. ‘India Waale’ got even more cheers. And before we could even realize, we were on to our last song ‘Ma Tujhe Salam’ and were saluting our flag.
Maa Tujhe Salam!
It was over. Over? Did we really pull off a flash mob? Did these 20 Business Intelligence and Analytics consultant actually perform a Flash Mob?!!
Everyone cheered for us and came to us saying how awesome it was and how and where did we practice so well and since how many weeks were we doing this and how did we get such an awesome idea?! We were all on the top of the world. It felt like this was real independence, the freedom to be the mob or to be individuals whenever we wished!!
Shhh! – The best secret group ever 🙂
The ‘Shhh’ whatsapp group was the happiest that day. We will all miss those secret meetings and terrace practices and dances and all the fun that we had during this journey 😊. Happy Independence Day to all of you! May you all have the freedom to wish for and achieve what you desire!
‘I will be down in just a min, bhaiya! Yes, I know the Uber pool ride waits for only 2 min. But I had sort of…an emergency’, I lied blatantly, while throwing in my office laptop, glasses, lipstick, pepper spray, novel and earphones in my handbag. ‘Haan, I know that the person sharing the cab would be in a hurry, but I will personally apologize to him. Tell him or her I will be down in just a min. Please?!’
Why do I get late every single day, I scolded myself an umpteenth time. I zip closed the bag and grabbed my phone. I checked myself one last time in the mirror, ruffled my curly, mind-of-their-own hair, took a deep breath and rushed down. There starts another busy day. Oh, what is the car number? I opened the Uber app and took a mental note of the number. You’ve been matched with Arjun, the app said. Arjun?Wow! Just a perfect day for this! I rolled my eyes, my sarcasm laughing at me. Chill Nyra, it is a common guy name.
I literally ran towards the cab parked outside my building. Brace yourself for angry reactions from driver and umm..the other person. I got in the cab repeating ‘Very sorry for being late’ on loop. The driver gave me a glare and started driving.
‘Excuse me? I got so late for an important meeting because of…’, said a male voice beside me angrily. I turned to look at him, ready to genuinely apologize. But then something happened… The frustration on his face quickly got replaced by surprise, and then softness.
‘Arjun?!’, I blurted.
My ever-existing sarcasm vanished away and got replaced by bittersweet nostalgia. How could I forget this person, even if I told myself that I had?! Arjun. My best(est) friend for 10 years at school, my neighbor and my secret keeper. And, Arjun, my carpool companion. Well, add an ‘ex’ to all of the above. Our dads used to take turns to drive us to school with the purpose of saving fuel and sharing responsibilities. Through this sharing, we had become the best of friends. I could imagine all those 10 years at that moment. The same back seat of the car. The same Arjun now. The unmistakable face, those kind familiar eyes, that mischievous smile.
I was speechless. And shocked. And he, more of all this than I am. He tried to speak multiple times, and finally managed to say ‘Hi. Nyra! You? Here?’
‘Yeah, I..uh..I got a job here in Mumbai. Shifted just a couple of months back.’
He nodded, a little too vigorously, looked away, then looked back at me. I have to break this awkwardness, I desperately thought. ‘Well, it’s surprising to see the most famous boy of St. John’s school get speechless.’
He didn’t know how to react to this. Same old Arjun. I suppressed a smile and then we both gave up, breaking into relieved laughter. I just could not believe we met in a random share cab ride. I mean, what are the odds?
‘You look good.’, Arjun said, giving one of his award-winning smiles and finally seeming to get back his sanity. ‘How have you been?’
‘Not too bad’, I said, pretending to make it sound cool. ‘I got good grades in 12th and then admission to a college I had wished for, made some life-long friends, got placed in Amazon where I love working, and now I am here in Mumbai. What about you?’
‘Well, I left our small little town, came to Mumbai, studied management in finance, something I always wanted to do, and now I am working in Goldman Sachs. I get to travel around the country and outside. It’s a great life, so happening and eventful!’
‘Wow. Good for you.’, I said, giving a forced smile. He sounded so changed, not the Arjun I knew. But then, was I really like I had projected my life? Carefree, happy, gullible, innocent; the Nyra I knew? Did I tell him the story behind all the ‘good’ and ‘great’ parts?
‘Oh, so you are still Nerdy Nyra, huh?’, he laughed, pointing to the novel on my lap. I rolled my eyes, but felt extremely delighted. And shy for some reason. Nerdy Nyra, the name had always been super special! I immediately started loosening up a bit. Loosening in those wonderful memories!
‘How much you used to hate that name. And how much I loved teasing you by calling that in the middle of the class!’
‘That wasn’t funny, Arjun. Remember half of our fights used to be because of that?! Hehe. Silly us! And then I would refuse to talk to you in the car trips. You would behave normally for one day. And then from the next day, your same irritating self would be back; snatching my novel and threatening to throw it out of the window, and me shouting and crying to give the book.’
‘And madam. You have taken all your revenge.’, Arjun piped in. ‘Remember how you would pull out your innocent goody girl image, go to mom, and complain about things I wouldn’t even have done? And then I would be grounded for days together?’
‘Oh, is it? I don’t remember anything like that!’, I said, thoroughly enjoying the memory and smiling mischievously. ‘Hey, but then I used to make up for it too. I used to complete your homework a LOT of times in the car while going to school.’
Arjun nodded, ‘Can’t deny that. You were my savior, dude! From the 1st grade to the 10th, I would have flunked in all exams if not for you. I used to irritate you till you would agree to explain all the important questions while going for the tests.’
I smiled. ‘Wow. Mumbai has changed you, Mr. Arjun. You have never told anything good about me before. Oh, or is there someone special in your life who made you like this?’, I teased. I always used to tease him with so many girls, not that he needed any of my effort anyway. He was the most famous, most charming and the smartest guy of the school. Well, not to me. He always was the stupid, irritating, hopeless Arjun to me. I used to be his wingwoman. I used to introduce him to all my girlfriends so that the cool dude can step in and work his magic. In turn, he used to be my bodyguard, protecting me from creepy and irritating guys. He once had gone into a physical fight with a boy in the 7th grade, who used to follow me in lunch breaks.
‘We were very different in many ways. You wanted to read romantic fictions all the time while I wanted to discuss football matches all day long. We used to fight every other hour even after we became mature adults. But in the end, we had the most special and deepest friendship! Sigh! I miss those car gossip sessions. And I miss those singing sessions with the car music. And the crazy talks. I missed…you.’, Arjun said, speaking out the line I was avoiding since I first saw him in the car.
I didn’t want to reply to this. He understood and looked away. Suddenly, we had nothing to talk about. The awkwardness had crept back in. I stared down at my novel, debating whether to start reading, or just look out of the window, or think about something else I could talk about. My mind drifted to some stark opposite times. ‘God, can you both please stop talking for some time?’, Dad once shouted from the driver seat on a particularly hot Monday morning. ‘How do you always have things to talk and fight and shout about? No one speaks for the next 5 min. Okay?’ Arjun and I got serious and scooted over to the respective windows. It hadn’t even been 2 minutes when Arjun pipes up, ‘Nyra, do you know what happened in computer lab today?’ I totally forget papa’s scolding and get excited. ‘What, what? Did you get punished again?’ Dad sighed loudly, knowing that we couldn’t be kept quiet, especially in these car journeys.
I smiled and cringed at the same time, remembering those moments. I wished I could turn back the clock and bring the wheels of time to a stop. And before I realized, I got teary. Too teary to not sniff loudly. I got so angry on myself for reacting like this. But it was out of my control. I suddenly seemed to realize how precious the friendship was, and how it just finished. Right now, in the back seat of the car, we didn’t have anything to speak to each other!
‘Nyra’, said a soft voice. Now this was my best friend Arjun’s voice. ‘I am sorry, Nyra. I am very sorry.’ His voice trembled and reeked of regret. He had been thinking about the past too. ‘I spoiled everything. I let go of our deep friendship because of stupid misunderstandings. And ego. And immaturity. I don’t know what exactly happened. I don’t know how to explain and where to start from. At some point after 10th standard, I started feeling that I was too cool for the small town, small school and same set of friends. I managed to convince dad to send me to aunt’s place here in Mumbai to study and enjoy the big city life. He had to give in and I happily left for my new, exciting life. I got so lost in the new city life, the cool culture and the modern people, that I started forgetting my old life. And…you.’
‘Only after some time did I realize how worthless all of this is when you don’t have that one close friend to share every single thing with. That one person who you can blindly trust. I missed you, Nyra. I cried a lot in realization. But I couldn’t pick up the phone after all this and call you. Remember all the ugly fights we had when I left? We had told each other things we should have never said. I wished every day that those moments would just be wiped out of history and I could just come back and tell you sorry. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want to see you broken and alone.’
‘6.5 years, Arjun. Not a call. Not a text. Not one. Not one, Arjun?!’, spoke the anger in me, openly and loudly. The tears were threatening me now, and finally rolled on my face. Freely. The anger and disappointment, collected and pressed in for 6.5 years, came out. The driver got startled and looked back. ‘All okay, madam?’ How would he expect long lost friends to meet in his share cab? I nodded and looked back at Arjun, still wanting to shout a lot, but not knowing how to tell him how much I missed him. How much I hammered my mind every single day wondering what did I do wrong. How much I hated him every day for going away.
‘Hey Nyra’, he said, wiping off my tears. ‘How about we start again? In this back seat of the car today, I apologize to you sincerely. I was carried away and didn’t realize what I was losing. Will you be my best friend again, Nerdy Nyra?’
‘I will think’, I managed to say, though in my mind, I was flipping with happiness.
The car stopped and we both looked around startled. ‘It’s your stop, sir’, said the driver. In the midst of all this, we had totally forgotten that we were in a Uber share. ‘You will have to get down now, the cab is blocking other vehicles’, he repeated, losing patience.
Arjun took his bag and got out of the cab. And the man with ego disappears once again, I sighed.
He looked back at me, ready to bid adieu. Then something changed his mind and he got back in with a smile. ‘I have learnt from my mistakes. This time I am not going anywhere.’
I could not believe I was smiling widely despite the tears. Years later, we were back together in the backseat of a car with our destination unknown!
The cab moved ahead. Had I got my best friend back in an Uber share ride? Well, I had literally been ‘matched with Arjun’.
You Never Know…Sometimes love can drag you through hell. I read aloud this book title, look at the bright red book cover depicting blood, and feel a chill run down my spine. This is going to be an exciting thriller, I think. And I couldn’t be more right! This unputdownable book is sure a thriller. […]
“Drogon”, screamed Daenerys boldly. “See those red and golden flags? We need to land there!” The mammoth black dragon flapped its deep red wings in response, breathed out fire and lunged over the sea. But suddenly, the coast where the Lannisters were supposed to be, turned into a beautiful beach. Wait, was that ‘Pondicherry’ written with big red letters, like the one in the theme song? Sigh, a beach!! And sand. And coconut trees. Wide smile! 🙂
“Whaaammm! Screeecchh!”
I sat bolt upright in my semi-comfortable sleeper bus. Are we not in Pondi yet? Oh, that was a dream, I murmur, rubbing my eyes. Blame the HBO hackers for that GoT episode. And wait, what was that horrible jerk and sound?!
I peep through the curtains. Woahh! Our bus driver had collided with a bus standing on the road side. Green glass pieces shattered everywhere. People cornering our bus and shouting in Tamil. Wow! An accident to start the tour. So much for a safe trip promise to mom!
I suddenly hear giggles in the other compartment and rush to discuss this with the other 5, just like a hot piece of gossip on our lunch table. We were 6 girls, 60 km away from Pondicherry at 6 am in the morning, stranded in a broken bus, surrounded by an angry mob, and we were laughing and shooting videos of the moment. This girls trip is going to be one memorable one, I smiled! 🙂
How we managed to reach Pondi is another story, but when we finally got down at the paradise city, we couldn’t stop ‘wow’ing at everything around us. The auto drove us through tiny, squeaky clean streets, lined up with countless beautiful coconut trees (what is with me and coconut trees?!) and surrounded by quaint, colorful houses of bright colors. The town seemed to be painted all over by a primary school kid, there were the brightest yellows and the prettiest teal blues, the lushest greens and the deepest pinks!
And while I could try and take this flush of cuteness in, I spotted that unmistakable sparkle of the sun, the gorgeous sight with the promising salty whiff of welcome, I HAD FINALLY SPOTTED THE BEACH! ❤
We were driving on the beach road and I couldn’t take my eyes off the blue stretch of sparkle. How could a sight be this soothing? And suddenly I felt the auto stop. I reluctantly tore my eyes away from the beach and looked around. ‘Villa Bayoud’, a wooden board read. Our villa was ON the beach? Whaatt?!! *Mental Blogging starts*
All 6 of us went crazy with excitement. I kept on looking at the villa entrance and then the beach, not able to believe our choice of the hotel. We were finally (add more ‘lll’s to enunciate!) in Pondicherry after multiple weeks of lunch table planning, series of Whatsapp group conversations and several beach-shopping trips to Commercial street. We had literally announced in the entire office (and the company’s Facebook page) about our girls’ trip and we were all set to boast as much as we could. It was a trip planned all by ourselves, a trip where we had to spread out the maps and decide where and how to go, and a trip where we were in the company of people who wouldn’t judge you for your craziness and join you in the silliest talks.
The trip gang!
The start had been too adventurous and exciting to handle, and now we were starving. So, we left to search for a breakfast place. And Oh My God! White town, the French colony where we were staying, was filled to the rim with cafes as cute as buttons; Le Café, Café des Arts, Gelato café, Carte Blanche, Café Artika, and a trillion-other small, beautiful cafe everywhere. We just couldn’t get over these extremely pretty places set in French décor and painted in lovely pastels. We must have taken a billion pictures here, stocking up for profile pictures of the year. Food was the second-best thing in Pondicherry (First? Beaches, duh!). Both the days, we gorged on finger-licking Nutella crepes, fancy croissants, strong coffee, fresh juices, unforgettable gelatos and cheesy pizza slices, while discussing every topic under the sun.
What made our trip so much fun were the bikes we had rented since the moment we arrived in Pondi. Driving those bright red, yellow and blue bikes all around the town, we felt like Powerpuff girls, independent and fun. I miss those long drives on beach road and through lush forests, those moments of getting lost in random places, those memories of following Google maps and still directing to a wrong turn (Trip group, you know who I mean here 😉 ), that glee on reaching destinations, the journeys spent while singing songs (the Lipishtick song ahem), those irritating catcalls and the feeling of being adults! When I reluctantly gave back the key to my bike while leaving, I soo wanted to tell the owner, ‘Take care of the yellow buddy for me!’
The Powerpuff girls!
And beaches?! They definitely possess magical powers. We excitedly got dressed in our shorts and shirts and drove to Paradise beach. The satisfying sound of waves, the extreme happiness when the sea touches your feet, the sand and the sun, the surprise splashes now and then, the soothing thoughts in mind, how I wish I could keep this feeling captured in a box. Even now when I close my eyes, I can picture the clean blue sparkling water, the fine brown sand, the salty air, the cloudy blue sky, the tall coconut trees, the cute beach shacks and the boat rides.
Villa to the beach!
The Rocky beach outside our villa was another experience! We would get out of the villa and run to sit on the rocks, not missing any moment while we could. Those 11 pm nights with the gushing ocean and the full moon, and the 6 am sunrise with the sun peeking out of the sea and long walks with cool breeze, are memoirs I would never want to forget. Sometimes you just need a break. In a beautiful place. Alone. To figure everything out! Sitting and looking at those waves beating the rocks and the water splashing up in the air, the deep thoughts in mind and the future contemplation; I was writing a mental blog for life!
Cliché but true, 2 days were over before I could realize. I sat in the night bus, looked out of the window, felt the Pondicherry wind go by and smiled at all the amazing memories! I had a lot of photos, videos, journal entries and sunburns to take back with me, but maybe it wasn’t just enough. Take me back, oh, take me to the ocean!
A place called Here... 